ALPHA-FISH 041: New wetsuit tech coming soon...

ALPHA-FISH 041: New wetsuit tech coming soon...

The extensive research undertaken in the HUUB research lab of Pitlochry, Scotland, has resulted in a groundbreaking technology. Our long-term analysis of how animals move through water has left us wondering how to translate this into a product. The flow of water and disturbing the boundary layer, which results in a very long winded equation to deliver a faster wetsuit by making you look like a fast fish, has yet to be understood, activated, and tested in a proven prodcut.

The whole project, which we have codenamed 'Fish-Tale', yet again shows the incredible lengths we will go to to make the athlete faster and more fish-like. We know that winning is key to all, and regardless of the cost, we have persevered in our relentless pursuit of a lower Coefficient Of Drag (C.O.D). The challenge has also been to realistically offer a fair price for these functional gains.

Our research found that determining the actual outcome of vortex generators used in wetsuits is a real challenge, especially given the rules regarding legal wetsuit thickness. The efforts paid off, and finally, we were awarded the patent under BS-332637, a new technology trademarked 'super-swish-fish'.

During our testing in the elevation drag tanks of Pitlochry, we were utterly blown away at the increasing benefits when swimming uphill. It's all very easy looking at the benefits of downhill swimming, but Pitlochry's unique drag-elevated testing tanks allowed us to look at a whole new level of understanding of swimming and the human movement of the body through water.

Professor Pollock worked alongside our development team and added many new technologies to our suits. We're excited to announce that our second generation of suits will have carbon plate return technology on the shoulders. No longer is this unique power return of physics confined to super fast-running shoes. We are now ready to launch a new carbon return technology we call 'carbon-super-swish-fish' for this year's exciting games in Paris. Yes, it's time for the plate to meet the fish.

Professor Huub Toussaint stated that, "We need no longer to think of ourselves as a clumsy human object moving through water, but now we need to look at ourselves as a streamlined Halibut of athletic prowess. It's time for the records to fall."

Dean Jackson, HUUB owner and lead director of Fish-Tale technology stated, "This suit is a paradigm shift in how we see wetsuit design… We know all the authorities will try and ban this breakthrough, but we have an extensive PR plan in place that should force the hand of the fish haters out there as we believe technology should not be kept out of the sport."

Tom Bishop, one of HUUB's professional athletes added, "I've had the pleasure of testing this technology for quite a while and I carp quite believe the results. I thought the performance gains seemed a little fishy, but as soon as I tried the new kit on, I was hooked. This season, I'll be reeling in my competitors with this new advantage."